It has been a few days since I finally managed to set up a Detective Agency Club within the school and though I am yet to create promotional posters, I'm sure the days of sleuth success are on the horizon. With such hopeful sunny thoughts floating happily within my cranium, I trudged in from the contrastingly wet weather outside. Swinging, thrusting, throwing and catching my still dripping umbrella, the very picture of a slightly damp ninja in training, I pondered on the elegant power of the umbrella (A shield to protect one from the rain as well as a potential weapon with which to enter combat, therefore a near invincible multipurpose object capable of both defense and offense) and what it would be like to properly hit someone with it, dexterously wielding the umbrella as a substitute long sword.
As I was fantasizing about gladiatorial matches to the death fought entirely with umbrellas, Underling Butler (a bitter, snide and posh creature with a constant under tone of mild malice, topped off with more than a touch of private school arrogance. Capable of verbose rants and ravings, quite rich with a very well stocked and local house a minutes walk from the school gates, an optimum location to raid for supplies) trotted my way.
"Hey," he shouted clearly in a voice that I felt should be deported back to Downton Abbey, "I have an actual detective case for you!" The last time anyone had said anything like this to me, it had been Hunter Swift, reporting to me one illegal placement of an apple core within her locker, hence I inquired what the matter was without much enthusiasm.
A rather surprising reply came my way, "My laptop," declared Underling Butler, "It's been stolen" I paused for a moment, wondering whether I had fantasized those words. An actual proper valuable theft! To an underling of mine no less! What better opportunity to show my not inconsiderable skills as a detective!
After several minutes celebrating the fact Underling Butler's laptop had been stolen. I immediately took up my role as investigation leader, announcing we should start a series of inquiries and take witness statements. Underling Butler, however, suggested we consider our plan thoroughly first.
Since we were, as of yet, short of a detective office and therefore a place in which we might thoroughly discuss a plan. It was decided on going to Underling Butler's house, a minutes walk away. We made our way down the short stretch of road by a slightly unkempt common, turned quagmire by the downpour. Underling Butler at a brisk walking pace, while I skipped cheerfully along. A few seconds down the scenic, some would say picturesque or quaint, route then a swift turn left and we were before Underling Butler's house.
We rang on the doorbell, the sound of which echoed within the expensive structure of his domain, to shortly be let in by a maid. "Right, well," began Underling Butler walking towards the kitchen, a holy inner sanctuary of foodstuffs and oasis of various edible treats, "I..." here he paused. A silence filled the corridor, a silence only punctuated by the miserable, slightly pathetic shuffling of his recently castrated dog Nero, a name which somehow seemed a little too ballsy for the whining canine.
I coughed then asked why the pointlessly long pause, after I had judged the pause to be sufficiently long enough to be classified as pointlessly long. Underling Butler continued to stare at the table ahead of him and the object atop it for a few more seconds, then slowly turning around, he announced in a slightly sing song voice, "I appear to have left my laptop at home... sorry"
On the positive side, I now know what it feels like to properly hit someone with an umbrella.
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