Finally the end of the first week of school after a period of mind decomposing, knowledge eroding, intelligence rusting holidays. I have that feeling of having run half a marathon at too fast a pace and coming to the sudden dreadful realization that I still have another few kilometers to go. And this isn't even a normal marathon, it is a marathon through a post apocalyptic world.
The academic work that I procrastinated over the holidays has started to catch up. As a maddened blood thirsty hoard they are quickly gaining upon me, mindless and hungry like an insane army of the undead. Not even the shuffling type of zombies but the full on running type, their pale lifeless limbs pounding the ground in a frenzied rush to devour me. They had of course simply been the walking dead at the beginning of the holiday when they were first set but over time they have evolved and very soon, I suspect they will soon learn how to operate basic vehicles and become the cycling dead. Merciless lifeless hunters pedaling away at demonic speed.
It is often said that there is some metaphorical wall that any athlete will come up against during a run, at a certain desperate moment when they seem to have hit their limit and by overcoming this wall they will grow as a person as well as regain a certain energy and sense of momentum. If so, then perhaps there will be such a wall for me in my academic work as well, an opportunity for me to break through and become a generally better grade of human being as well as regain my educational capability.
In fact, I am arguably the very best type of student since, in an attempt to improve as a person generally, I am deliberately conditioning myself to come into contact with that wall of desperation as soon as possible through procrastination and work avoidance. A risky strategy of self improvement that demonstrates my tremendous courage and great aspirations of bettering myself. Hence teachers, as individuals charged with the duty of encouraging the student's growth as a person, perceiving the nature of the student and understanding their motives, should see that I am in fact an exemplary pupil whose current mindset and behaviour should be highly commended not scolded or punished.
Thus I rest my case, though whether the english teacher will accept my logic when inquiring after the distinct absence of an essay on Monday is another matter entirely and one that rests within the fickle hands of the sometimes cruel gods.
Showing posts with label odd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label odd. Show all posts
Friday, 9 November 2012
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Labyrinth
The internet has always been a mystery to me. A vast sea of information populated by attractive entertaining aquatic life as well as the occasional unpredictable virtual killer whale and spontaneously emerging pixelated Cthulhu. For example I was once, for some academically motivated research matter, searching "Chernobyl" and clicked a photograph of an animal mutated by radiation on google images, this appropriately landed me with a virus that caused a continuous uncontrollable stream of pornography to flow across my screen. Which, perhaps, classifies me as another victim of the Chernobyl Disaster.
In recent times I had deluded myself into thinking that I had more or less mastered the ever swerving poorly lit maze that is the world wide web. Of course I was not as adept at skillfully gliding through the internet as some of my acquaintances. One of whom, I shall refer to here as Big K for his identity protection and my consequent physical safety, used to often boast the fact he had dived into layers far below the accepted levels of the web. Proudly proclaiming that he had voyaged one thousand leagues under the surface of the internet, where other more innocent users blissfully surfed, with the use of special hacking equipment all in search of ever darker variants of pornography. Which I suspect is, while indicative of the fact he can navigate his way through the virtual labyrinth admirably, a sign that he has gotten lost within the far larger labyrinth of life in general.
Nonetheless I was happy with my own comparatively basic knowledge of this pixelated universe, proud of the daily virtual survival skills and instincts I had developed with time. I could now successfully navigate myself around youtube while carefully avoiding all related videos that let out the dangerous air of potential long term mental trauma. I could create and manage multiple virtual identities around cyberspace, entering and exiting communities as I pleased, free as a cybernetic social butterfly. I even worked out methods to cheat certain systems with the creation of multiple accounts and mildly fraudulent behaviour. Perhaps all this had made me arrogant.
However I was brought back to reality and shown how shallow my knowledge of this realm really was by none other than this site, blogger. There is an area of this site which allows me to observe the various statistics and backstage facts relating to my blog. For example, everyday before I write, I venture into this zone, observe the number of views my page has had that day as well as resignedly sigh at the now familiar zero which sits smugly under "number of followers". There is also a tool within this virtual control room that allows me to see through which channel and websites people are getting to my blog. These are displayed as enticingly blue links to be clicked on.
Wondering what my third top source of traffic was, I clicked one incomprehensible jumbled collection of letters composing a link to see what wing of the maze it would take me down. The screen window turned white and began to load, my anticipation growing with each passing second then, after a moment, a page materialized kindly bringing to my attention that the page did not exist. Which means that people have somehow been entering my blog from an empty space occupied by an overwhelming amount of nothing.
How is that even possible?! As far as I knew when a "page not found" appeared, it was a dead end, a blocked path within the maze from where I would then need to retrace my footsteps. But according to the blogger information center there exists some phantom like figure who is capable of slipping through this solid wall and on the other side, apparently, lies this blog. Is it an internet ghost wondering around the online maze? If so are there many of them? Perhaps four, each with a different bright hue all in hot pursuit of an obese spherical yellow binge eater. Clearly the labyrinth of the world wide web is full of more sinister mysterious occupants and mystical loop holes than I had previously imagined.
If this was not confusing enough, my top source of traffic after that link turned out to be a pornographic website which bares absolutely everything except some relation to my blog. I would hereby like to apologize to the internet gods, ghosts and pac men for my prior arrogance. This world is still as mysterious and unpredictable as ever, a forest that cannot be understood by a mere mortal such as myself. Never again shall I display any pretense of comprehension instead choosing to fearfully navigate my way around its twisted corridors like the clueless worshipper within the temple of the gods that I am. I'm sorry.
In recent times I had deluded myself into thinking that I had more or less mastered the ever swerving poorly lit maze that is the world wide web. Of course I was not as adept at skillfully gliding through the internet as some of my acquaintances. One of whom, I shall refer to here as Big K for his identity protection and my consequent physical safety, used to often boast the fact he had dived into layers far below the accepted levels of the web. Proudly proclaiming that he had voyaged one thousand leagues under the surface of the internet, where other more innocent users blissfully surfed, with the use of special hacking equipment all in search of ever darker variants of pornography. Which I suspect is, while indicative of the fact he can navigate his way through the virtual labyrinth admirably, a sign that he has gotten lost within the far larger labyrinth of life in general.
Nonetheless I was happy with my own comparatively basic knowledge of this pixelated universe, proud of the daily virtual survival skills and instincts I had developed with time. I could now successfully navigate myself around youtube while carefully avoiding all related videos that let out the dangerous air of potential long term mental trauma. I could create and manage multiple virtual identities around cyberspace, entering and exiting communities as I pleased, free as a cybernetic social butterfly. I even worked out methods to cheat certain systems with the creation of multiple accounts and mildly fraudulent behaviour. Perhaps all this had made me arrogant.
However I was brought back to reality and shown how shallow my knowledge of this realm really was by none other than this site, blogger. There is an area of this site which allows me to observe the various statistics and backstage facts relating to my blog. For example, everyday before I write, I venture into this zone, observe the number of views my page has had that day as well as resignedly sigh at the now familiar zero which sits smugly under "number of followers". There is also a tool within this virtual control room that allows me to see through which channel and websites people are getting to my blog. These are displayed as enticingly blue links to be clicked on.
Wondering what my third top source of traffic was, I clicked one incomprehensible jumbled collection of letters composing a link to see what wing of the maze it would take me down. The screen window turned white and began to load, my anticipation growing with each passing second then, after a moment, a page materialized kindly bringing to my attention that the page did not exist. Which means that people have somehow been entering my blog from an empty space occupied by an overwhelming amount of nothing.
How is that even possible?! As far as I knew when a "page not found" appeared, it was a dead end, a blocked path within the maze from where I would then need to retrace my footsteps. But according to the blogger information center there exists some phantom like figure who is capable of slipping through this solid wall and on the other side, apparently, lies this blog. Is it an internet ghost wondering around the online maze? If so are there many of them? Perhaps four, each with a different bright hue all in hot pursuit of an obese spherical yellow binge eater. Clearly the labyrinth of the world wide web is full of more sinister mysterious occupants and mystical loop holes than I had previously imagined.
If this was not confusing enough, my top source of traffic after that link turned out to be a pornographic website which bares absolutely everything except some relation to my blog. I would hereby like to apologize to the internet gods, ghosts and pac men for my prior arrogance. This world is still as mysterious and unpredictable as ever, a forest that cannot be understood by a mere mortal such as myself. Never again shall I display any pretense of comprehension instead choosing to fearfully navigate my way around its twisted corridors like the clueless worshipper within the temple of the gods that I am. I'm sorry.
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Popular
I've recently noticed that the current trend in advertisement seems to be competition. The most prominent example is that of chocolates. Chocolate companies now emphatically announce several separate flavors of the same brand ranging from caramel to orange to nuts to human despair to broken dreams and then insist people vote and compete against each other in order to prove the superiority of their taste buds over other like minded chocolate connoisseurs. Though essentially even if you were to vote for your favorite flavor of a chocolate and successfully confirmed that you in fact have the same preference of chocolate flavoring as a vast proportion of other chocolate consumers/future diabetics, you still are in actuality a loser since all you've done is basically had a race within a hamster wheel or in this case the cooperate publicity wheel. So everyone, except the chocolate company, loses (Or if you're of an extremely positive mindset, everyone wins since there really is not a jot of difference between the victorious and the defeated in their gullibility, cooperate usability and potential for obesity).
This competition of flavors within individual chocolate brands is its self a part of competition between separate chocolate brands, each trying to get more publicity and sell more products than the other, a competition within a competition. Even this competition is then swallowed by the larger competition between chocolate and other luxury foods typically consumed by children and lonely adults such as ice cream or cake, thereby creating a competition within a competition within a competition.
If this trend of creating a marketing battle within another marketing battle continues, much like in a medieval ten bird roast, the subject of each battle would naturally become smaller and smaller. Perhaps in the future there will be voting polls to decide which of the many unhealthy ingredients used to create a certain chocolate flavor within a certain chocolate brand is the nation's favorite. Eventually there maybe surveys to discover which particular electron attached to which certain atom within a chosen molecule composing what preferred chemical contained in an individual ingredient used to create a select flavor within a certain chocolate brand within the large category of various sugary foodstuffs labeled as chocolates within the category of non-essential delicacies labeled as sweets, is the people's choice.
Though I find this culture of competition irritating I have to admit that it seems effective so perhaps I should use it myself. I have recently noticed that other people may have more friends than I do, in short I need to become more socially popular. Hence, adopting the policy of competition I shall now develop schizophrenia/multiple personality disorder and those people around me could decide which of my changeable personalities they like best.
However, as people see the social success inducing effects of a serious mental disorder, multiple personality disorder will catch on as a trend. Then very soon everyone will be going around with several different minds hidden within them, each of whom may have a different preference in the electron of an atom of a molecule of a chemical of an ingredient of a flavor of a chocolate of a brand. There would then have to be a democratic vote to decide which personality is most fit to vote before any one individual could even vote for their favorite electron. Inevitably the world will become a dark and dull place of near infinite voting where one must vote for one thing to vote for another thing to be able to vote for a further more important thing, resulting in infinite reams of paper work and long winded government election processes causing indecision, fracture and general anarchy.
In conclusion, these chocolate flavor votes will more than likely result in the apocalypse. Hence we must start a campaign against voting. Now there are several campaign methods I have in mind but seeing as I'm indecisive about which to choose we can decide through a democratic survey of popularity.
This competition of flavors within individual chocolate brands is its self a part of competition between separate chocolate brands, each trying to get more publicity and sell more products than the other, a competition within a competition. Even this competition is then swallowed by the larger competition between chocolate and other luxury foods typically consumed by children and lonely adults such as ice cream or cake, thereby creating a competition within a competition within a competition.
If this trend of creating a marketing battle within another marketing battle continues, much like in a medieval ten bird roast, the subject of each battle would naturally become smaller and smaller. Perhaps in the future there will be voting polls to decide which of the many unhealthy ingredients used to create a certain chocolate flavor within a certain chocolate brand is the nation's favorite. Eventually there maybe surveys to discover which particular electron attached to which certain atom within a chosen molecule composing what preferred chemical contained in an individual ingredient used to create a select flavor within a certain chocolate brand within the large category of various sugary foodstuffs labeled as chocolates within the category of non-essential delicacies labeled as sweets, is the people's choice.
Though I find this culture of competition irritating I have to admit that it seems effective so perhaps I should use it myself. I have recently noticed that other people may have more friends than I do, in short I need to become more socially popular. Hence, adopting the policy of competition I shall now develop schizophrenia/multiple personality disorder and those people around me could decide which of my changeable personalities they like best.
However, as people see the social success inducing effects of a serious mental disorder, multiple personality disorder will catch on as a trend. Then very soon everyone will be going around with several different minds hidden within them, each of whom may have a different preference in the electron of an atom of a molecule of a chemical of an ingredient of a flavor of a chocolate of a brand. There would then have to be a democratic vote to decide which personality is most fit to vote before any one individual could even vote for their favorite electron. Inevitably the world will become a dark and dull place of near infinite voting where one must vote for one thing to vote for another thing to be able to vote for a further more important thing, resulting in infinite reams of paper work and long winded government election processes causing indecision, fracture and general anarchy.
In conclusion, these chocolate flavor votes will more than likely result in the apocalypse. Hence we must start a campaign against voting. Now there are several campaign methods I have in mind but seeing as I'm indecisive about which to choose we can decide through a democratic survey of popularity.
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